Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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