i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
