Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize