Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
