You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
