My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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