i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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