do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
