My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
