i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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