so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
