i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
