i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
