jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
