I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
