At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
