one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
