thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
