I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
