shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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