Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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