'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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