There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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