Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
