You smell like stripper and shame
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
