I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
