So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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