fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
