if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
