but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
