i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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