I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
