Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
