yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
