so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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