Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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