i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
