I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
