I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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