but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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