I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
