Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
