I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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