Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
