im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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