i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
