she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
