I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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