i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
