That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
