ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
