It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
