dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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